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Welcome to Natured and Nurtured, a new series we are doing exclusively for newsletter readers.
This issue features me (Tom) and my 5 biggest early influences.
Without too much fanfare, here are the 5 things that made me, me.
🏩 The Market Hotel
When I was 19 years old, I had zero gay friends. All my friends were girls, and I would go out with them and get shit-faced. They would hook up with straight, ex-private school boys, and I would have another Redbull and vodka. But, once I had enough Dutch courage, I would often sneak off to the Market Hotel by myself.
It was on the other side of town, and at the time, it was the biggest gay club in Melbourne, Australia. I was so scared the whole time I was there, but would inevitably end up making out with a random boy on the dance floor. It was where I met my first gay friend. It was a trashy, two level club that stayed open late. It was a glorious place, and my introduction to gay nightlife.
📖 XY Magazine
XY magazine was the first gay magazine I discovered that felt like it was talking to me. I was 21 when I first read it. The magazine was aimed at young gays, which is why it was also a very twink-heavy publication. For the times, it felt super refreshing. Aesthetically, it was super Y2K and almost scrapbook-like. It was the kind of magazine that made me feel less alone in the world.
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🍸 That Bar in Leiden
From 18-21 years old, I was a wild, messy, lost kid. (I went through puberty late, it didn’t really finish until I was 23-24.) I drank too much, didn’t exercise, and was in a funk. Eventually, I decided to get my shit together. I stopped drinking for a full month. I then only allowed myself two drinks each time I went out, which I kept up for the next year or so.
I started exercising and embarked on a student exchange to Leiden University, in The Netherlands. Growing up I really had no sense of what I looked like. I never felt attractive, to be honest. During my student exchange, I went one night to the LGBT student bar. You had to buy tickets at the door, which you exchanged at the bar for drinks. When I handed in my ticket to the bartender, he handed it back with the words “You are cute” written on the top. It felt like the first time anyone of the same sex had shown interest in me, and I was hooked.
It was such a small moment in hindsight, but it really gave me confidence to put myself out there more and start to explore the gay world.
👱♀️ Dolly Parton at the Hollywood Bowl
Growing up in the 90s, Dolly Parton was always the butt of jokes about her big tits and blond hair. It was never about her music. I was fascinated by her. When Abi and I were staying at the Tom of Finland foundation in L.A., we had the opportunity to see Dolly at the Hollywood Bowl. First of all, the Bowl is probably one of the most beautiful musical venues on the planet. But beyond the venue, Dolly was a revelation live. Her positivity and talent radiated from that stage for over two hours.
It was truly one of the most magical nights of my life. It felt like seeing Elvis or Nina Simone — artists you read about in history books, but never actually witness performing in front of you. It was truly a foundational experience.
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